S*** the President Says – 7/20/2020

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, our president sat down for an interview with Fox News’ journalistic Lone Ranger, Chris Wallace, this week. What resulted was a certified s***show. Here, then, is some of that s*** (though I do recommend watching the entire interview here):

“First of all, I’m not losing, because those are fake polls. They were fake in 2016 and now they’re even more fake. The polls were much worse in 2016.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

When you first hear the results of a new poll live during an interview, it’s weird to immediately declare the poll to be fake. How would you know? Worth noting that while polls in the summer of 2016 did show Clinton with a healthy national lead, (1) the swing states were typically closer and (2) that lead had dwindled to 3-4 points by Election Day 2016. Hillary won by 2 points, and lost the electoral college.

“I think mail-in voting is going to rig the election. I really do…. No, I’m not going to just say yes [I will accept the results of the election].”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Translation: he thinks he’s going to lose the election. He’s making excuses ahead of time, and he does not plan on conceding. That impending train wreck is the only proper finale 2020 could possibly have in store for us.

“I think I was very unfairly treated.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

This was our president’s immediate response to the question, “How will you regard your years as president of the United States?” President Trump wants you to think of him as a victim.

“Let’s go down – Joe [Biden] and I will take a test. Let him take the same test that I took.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Chris Wallace asked our president about a recent poll showing voters trust Joe Biden’s “mental soundness” more than Trump’s. Our president’s response was to challenge Biden to take the dementia test about which he’s been bragging so much. From there, pure comedy gold ensues when Chris Wallace reveals that he also took this test, noting it’s easy and that one question requires the test-taker to correctly identify a picture of an elephant. Trump then insists Wallace couldn’t possibly answer the last five questions, then everybody moves on. Here is a version of that test, if you’re curious:

“Religion will be gone – ok – life, you can forget about that. The whole question of life.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Joe Biden must be that rare type of devout Catholic that goes to church while secretly seeking to destroy the entire religion, plus all other religions, plus life itself. This would make a great Trump Campaign pitch, if true. “Sure I oversaw a terrible coronavirus response that killed a couple hundred thousand people, but I didn’t kill everybody!”

“Excuse me, you heard me yesterday. We’re signing a healthcare plan within two weeks. A full and complete healthcare plan.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Obamacare took about nine months of debate in Congress before passing. The Republican healthcare bill that failed in 2017 was debated for many weeks. Now our president, under fire during the interview for suing to eliminate guaranteed coverage for those with pre-existing conditions, wants us to believe there’s a totally cool, totally secret plan that should be wrap up in two weeks. I’ll start the clock.

“I don’t care what the military says…Fort Bragg is a big deal…nobody even knows General Bragg…go to that community where Fort Bragg is in a great state – love that state – and go to the community. Say, ‘How do you like the idea of renaming Fort Bragg?’ And then what are we going to name it? You going to name it after the Reverend Al Sharpton? What are you going to name it, Chris?”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

“I don’t care what the military says.” -President Donald J. Trump. Has anyone ever suggested naming a U.S. military base after Al Sharpton before? What a strange hypothetical to throw out there if you aren’t attempting some kind of racist scare tactic.

“We won two world wars. Beautiful world wars. That were vicious and horrible.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Beautiful, vicious, and horrible are three adjectives you rarely hear used together to describe a thing.

“And we won them out of Fort Bragg, we won them out of all of these forts. And now they want to throw those names away.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

Did the names on the forts have anything to do with how those wars were won? Historians will recall that we also won the Civil War, having defeated all those generals whose names currently adorn our forts. It’s weird. We certainly don’t have any forts named after British generals from the revolution.

“When people proudly have their Confederate flags, they’re not talking about racism. They love their flag. It represents the south. They like the south. People right now like the south.”

7/19/2020 interview with Chris Wallace.

“The Confederate flag isn’t about racism” is the new “I only get Playboy to read the articles.” It’s totally about racism.

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That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.