S*** the President Says – 10/28/2019

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, some s*** the president said during the previous week:

“You know, [ISIS is] very smart…They’re not – they’re very technically brilliant. You know, they use the internet better than almost anybody in the world, perhaps other than Donald Trump.” 10/26/2019 briefing on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Over the weekend, the U.S. killed the world’s most prominent terrorist leader since Osama bin Laden and in that moment, the American President would like you to know that he is the world’s best internet user.

“And I’m writing a book. I think I wrote 12 books. All did very well. And I’m writing a book. The World Trade Center has not come down. I think it was about – if you check, it was about a year before the World Trade Center came down. And I’m saying to people, ‘Take our Osama bin Laden,’ that nobody ever heard of. Nobody ever heard of.” 10/26/2019 briefing on the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

People checked the book – there’s no such thing in it. Its only reference to bin Laden mentions how everyone already knew who he was.

“The household median income for eight years of President Bush, it rose $400. For eight years of President Obama, it rose $975. And for two and a half years of President Trump – they have it down as two and a half years – it rose $5,000.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

Median household income dropped $1,638 during George W. Bush’s eight years, then rose $4,226 under Obama. During Trump’s first year in office (the only year available in the Federal Reserve Economic Database since his election), it rose $553 – the slowest rate in four years and nowhere close to $5,000.

“That’s a number that just came out, but that’s a number that I don’t know how there could be any dispute or any – I’ve never heard of a number like that, meaning the economy is doing fantastically well.” 10/22/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

When he says that number “just came out,” do you think he means it was just pulled out of a certain body part? The above numbers I cited are from the Donald J. Trump administration’s Bureau of Labor Statistics. I don’t know from where else the president would be getting such figures.

“Tulsi [Gabbard, D-HI] – I don’t know Tulsi, but she’s not a Russian agent. I don’t know Jill Stein. I know she likes environment. I don’t think she likes Russians. If she doesn’t like them, I know she’s not a asset.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

“She likes environment.” Here’s a question: If President Trump doesn’t know either of these women, how could he know whether they’re Russian assets?

“As you know, most of the ISIS fighters that we captured – ‘we.’ We. Not Obama. We. We captured them. Me.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

Who?

“And I was told and you were told, and everybody told it would be years before you ever did what I did in about a month and a half after I started. I went over to Iraq, I met with our generals, and we figured out a plan, and it was done within a month and a half. I’m the one that did the capturing. I’m the one that knows more about it than you people or the – or the fake pundits.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

Donald Trump didn’t even set foot in Iraq until nearly two years into his term. Here he is making up a clearly false timeline, claiming he helped military generals plan the attack, and personally take credit for its success – all while in reality ISIS fighters run free thanks to his new Syrian terrorist catch-and-release plan.

“[China’s] having a terrible year. Worst in 57 years, they say. And if they say that, it means it’s worse. And they announced that they have the worst numbers they’ve had in 20 years. They announced six. I don’t think it’s six; I think it’s probably minus-something. It could very well be minus.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

Back in 2016, no one thought, “What we really need in this country is a guy who thinks 20 is more than 57 but also equal to 6, which is itself probably negative.” But here we are. Here we all are.

“We’re building a wall in Colorado. We’re building a beautiful wall. A big one that really works.” 10/23/2019

Recall that as of today, Trump has expanded our Mexican border wall by exactly zero miles. Also recall that, according to Trump’s own Customs and Border Patrol, a wall is a terrible way to stop drugs or people from entering the country. You know what’s even worse, though? Building that wall in a state 350 miles off the Mexican border. It did lead to some terrific visuals, though. Here’s my favorite:

“But – in the meantime, North Korea is – I like Kim. He likes me. we get along. I respect him; he respects me. You could end up in a war. President Obama told me that…I said, ‘Did you ever call him?’ ‘No.’ Actually, he tried 11 times. But the man on the other side – the gentleman on the other side did not take his call. Okay? Lack of respect. But he takes my call.” 10/21/2019 Cabinet Meeting.

Kim Jong Un is very possibly the world’s worst living dictator. He’s also very possibly Donald Trump’s only friend. Who’s friend is Kim Jong Un? That’s Donald’s friend. In case you were wondering, no, Obama does not seem to have called Kim – but what good is a friend if he doesn’t prove some weird point about being cooler than Obama?

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That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.