Bad Ukraine Takes

News out of Ukraine has been gut-wrenching. Unfortunately, the resulting feeling of powerlessness has led many to reach for the dumbest possible solutions. We’re here to lighten the mood slightly by sharing those dumb solutions. Let’s jump right in:

Look, if you’ve ever thought of mass human suffering as a cool opportunity to “enjoy the apocalypse vibes ✨” seek help immediately. You’re a sociopath.

In the race for dumbest Ukraine take, “If only we’d have appeased Russia none of this would be happening” is a clear front-runner seeing as how Ukraine is not a NATO member and Russia just invaded anyway.

One of these guys ran into Ukraine like Leeroy Jenkins before securing support from allies. As of this writing, his tanks are running out of gas on the streets of Ukraine, his 19-year old soldiers are crying on the sidewalk, and a Ukrainian hotline for captured Russian soldiers to call their parents is burning hot.

The other worked to secure several rounds of economic sanctions, deliver defensive weapons into the war zone, and very likely delayed the invasion itself by a critical week by leaking hard-won intelligence in real-time.

Which one do you think is playing chess?

Banning Russian students isn’t going to solve this one. Xenophobia is bad. Pointing to the comment section as proof of your righteousness is worse.

Ugh. I suppose in a world many still think is flat, you knew “Biden is really doing the bombing” would be out there somewhere.

“Biden secretly loves this as a distraction from his own crimes against humanity” is a fairytale enjoyed by some. Don’t be this guy.

Is a full military invasion the same as having some immigrants come over to work? No? Maybe Joe Biden would be more passionate about defending our borders if worse people weren’t already here tweeting from Wisconsin.

So, here’s an article about the mayor of Kyiv:

“In the last few days, long queues of people — both men and women — were spotted waiting to pick up weapons throughout the capital, after authorities decided to distribute weapons freely to anybody ready to defend the city.”

That’s right, Ukraine’s government is handing out weapons during the emergency. Ukraine does not have a right akin to our 2nd amendment. They armed their people when needed. So if you’re thinking of using this event to peddle your bullshit preconceived notions about gun control, save it. It doesn’t make any sense here.

One more for the road:

Wait a minute…what kind of meat are we talking about on the banana bread French toast?! And who is this “Poutin” guy? Come for the breakfast menu, stay for the batshit crazy geopolitical opinions!

This being the internet, there are thousands more bad Ukraine takes floating around. Just remember that while a loud minority will insist on shouting stupidity a majority of us are still level-headed, and the adults are in charge. While we wait and hope for the best for our Ukrainian allies, it’s ok to point and laugh at the very worst ideas out there. Keep calm and carry on. And if you see something out there worth laughing at, drop it in the comments!

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