S*** the (outgoing) President Says – 11/9/2020

Every day for nearly four years now, we’ve had a crazy person as our president. Being that he holds the most influential job in the world, I used to read what came out of that crazy mind with a sense of dread, like oh God just don’t let him get us all killed.

Today, that’s all gone. Donald Trump lost. He’s a loser. History will remember him as the guy that paid a pornstar to keep quiet long enough for Russia to help him lose by three million votes (yet still win) the first time, yell and lie and bumble around for four years, get impeached, and lose by even more the next time. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s all have a good laugh at some s*** the outgoing president said after losing:

I don’t know if this is real. I know it’s weird. Let’s assume it is real. Congratulations? Are we taking Nigeria off the formally designated list of s***hole countries?

Haha. Yeah. They are finding Biden votes. Then they’re counting them.

Oh no. Sounds like they found too many Biden votes.

They put an all-caps rage-tweet on campaign letterhead to make it seem less crazy! Didn’t work.

Ready? Here’s the explanation: they’re counting the votes. People vote, then we count the votes, then whoever gets the most votes wins. That’s the explanation.

Nope, no legal observers were refused admittance. The Trump Campaign legal team admitted this in court.

Wait, the Four Seasons hotel? No. Someone messed up the scheduling in the most hilarious way possible and the legal team for the President of the United States really did hold a press conference at this dingy place in between a porn store and a cremation center:


So here’s an interesting question: if his observers didn’t see the “BAD THINGS,” how does anyone know “BAD THINGS” happened? Telepathy?

I think the media pretty much always calls the winners of elections. Could you imagine tuning into ABC News or wherever after the election and the news just said, “We know who won, but we aren’t telling you. Find out yourself. Next is Dave with the weather.”

That’s our report for this week. Have a terrific week.

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