Dill Spears Sunday after the 4th of July Hangover Breakfast Spectacular!

We drink a lot of beer on Idiotville, and sometimes with that beer drinking, there’s a hangover. You’ll get a lot of “medical professionals” that will tell you that you need to “rehydrate” or “not drink so much” but we think that’s elitist bullshit. There’s only two things that can cure a hangover:

1. More beer

2. A greasy breakfast

Since all my beer is gone (I drank it all celebrating America) I figured I’d go the breakfast route.

My big go-to if I can’t get to Dominick’s for one of those omelettes as big as your head or the Breakfast Place for dump truck-sized frittata is one that I found in a cookbook: Cheesy Chorizo Scramble.


◦ 2 tablespoons butter or ghee

◦ 8 oz. of UNCOOKED chorizo sausage, casing removed. (Holy fuck don’t get the precooked stuff, you might as well be making eggs with beef jerky in them)

◦ 6 eggs, scrambled with 1/4-1/3 cup of milk or heavy cream (I recommend salting your eggs with finely ground Himalayan salt before you cook them, it brings the flavor out more.I bought a thing that was like 20 oz on Amazon for $9.)

◦ 1 cup of shredded cheese

◦ The recipe calls for scallions but who has those

◦ Salt

Melt your butter or ghee in a skillet, either non stick or cast iron, over medium/medium high heat. As a tip, I recommend letting the skillet get nice and hot before you put the butter in, as hot pan + butter = less chance of sticky eggs. After the butter melts, add in your sausage. (I cannot stress enough to not use the precooked brown and serve chorizo. Get the links that are in the natural casing and just take a sharp knife and cut it open and mix it up on a plate and toss the casing out. The pre-cooked links don’t give you the grease level you need to cook the eggs right.)

After the sausage is about 75% cooked, move it to one side, tilt the pan so the butter/juice mix goes to the other, and add in your eggs to the butter/juice side and let them set up a bit. Once they set, mix the whole thing together and let it cook more, until the eggs are nearly done. You WILL have to scrape the bottom of your pan, so keep the eggs moving to prevent sticking and burning. This will need to be done no matter how much butter or juice you have.

Once the mixture is nearly set, add in about 3/4 of your cup of cheese. I split mine between 1/2 cup of Mexican blend and 1/2 cup sharp cheddar because I have a goddamn sophisticated palate. Mix the cheese in, then move the whole thing to a large bowl.

Top with the rest of the shredded cheese, and if you are some sort of rich celebrity or home gardening doomsday-prepper who keeps things like that on hand, the scallions that you chopped.

I served mine with diced avocado (because I always have avocado in my kitchen and virtually nothing else that’s remotely healthy) and either toast or an English muffin.

This is not a meal for one person, for certain. I can usually get 2-3 days worth of breakfast out of it, so if you’ve got guests, plan on 2 eggs and 1 sausage per person and adjust accordingly.

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