S*** the President Says – 6/1/2020

Ladies and gentlemen, if you are reading this, congratulations. You made it. Before we cover the worst s*** our president said last week, let us begin with a little murder accusation:

Last Tuesday already feels like a year ago, but it began with our president all but accusing Joe Scarborough, former Republican congressman and current host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, of having murdered his staffer during his time in congress. Six days later, no one remembers this.

No. No. Law enforcement is busy. Let’s just leave this insane conspiracy theory alone forever, thanks.

One more reminder that, just last week, the president lost his mind when Twitter had the audacity to attach a disclaimer to a couple of his tweets that were, in fact, entirely bulls***. “Yoyoel” is the guy at Twitter in charge of “site integrity,” which when it comes to Trump is kind of like being the guy at the SeaWolves game in charge of enforcing lane violations during the kids’ stampede. While Twitter mostly allows the president to vent his spleen unencumbered, the site found itself in a quandary when the president’s lies meandered to the topic of our election process. Twitter decided to act, so the president accused Twitter of censorship – on Twitter.

Many have compared Minneapolis’ “THUGS” to Charlottesville’s “very fine” white supremacists. Many more have noted that, “When the looting starts, the shooting starts” is an ugly quote from former Miami police chief Walter Headley, whom shortly thereafter added, “We don’t mind being accused of police brutality,” which seems to wade more into the realm of extrajudicial killing than “law and order.” I’d just like to note that Twitter had to flag a statement from America’s president for glorifying violence. How crazy is that? Thank God no one ever listens to him.

The day our president tweeted this, two NYPD SUVs literally drove into a crowd of protesters and were defended by NYC’s mayor for doing so. I honestly don’t know how much more “gloves off” he wants to see.

Ah yes, time for another installment of the World’s Worst Superhero! His superpower? Swooping in long after the conflict has passed to offer free advice on what could have saved the day. Remember when the Cathedral at Notre Dame was ablaze and after about two hours, he took to Twitter to ask France if they’d ever thought of water? Wildfires in California? Should’ve raked the forest. This is just the latest example.

The president misspelled MacArthur, but more importantly fails to realize the difference between a general – whose job is to kill enemies on a battlefield – and a mayor. Cheerleading for raw “toughness” and “strength” from law enforcement sort of misses the entire point of these protests, also, does it not?

Let’s take these one at a time: “law and order” went out the window when “shoot the looters” came in. Strike one. Presidents don’t activate the national guard – that’s a governor’s decision. Strike two. Blaming Joe Biden – whom is not currently holding office – while absolving himself of any responsibility for the country’s problems? Strike three. Finishing by blaming all Democrats for the chaos? Look. Most big cities are led by Democrats. Literally the top seven American cities by population, eight of the top ten (plus one Republican and one independent) and 35 of the top 50. The one Republican-led city in the top ten is San Diego – which of course also had violent protests. Strike four. This president will lie about everything. He will not calm the storm. He will not bridge the divide. He does not care to try. He will strike out – even if you give him an extra strike – and walk back to the dugout claiming he’d hit a home run.

This week saw a CNN reporter arrested on live TV for no reason whatsoever, another lose her left eye to a rubber bullet fired from an officer, and an officer turn toward a reporter and – unprovoked – fire non-lethal rounds into a live TV camera. These reporters are putting themselves in the middle of harm’s way to deliver the most accurate possible message and the leader of our country calls them bad, sick, and fake.

God, what I wouldn’t give for all of this to be fake. Alas, the news is real. Our president is fake.

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That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.