S*** the President Says – 6/3/2019

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, some s*** the President said during the previous week:

We begin this week with a simple denial: the White House apparently requested the Navy to move the USS John McCain out of Trump’s sight during his visit to Japan, but the President wants us to believe this was all blown out of proportion or possibly made up altogether. The problem: the Navy and the White House eventually confirmed the story, after which the secretary of Defense told the White House to stop politicizing the military. All of this because, well, Donald Trump never liked John McCain.

After over two years, Donald Trump finally acknowledged Russia helped him get elected. Maybe now he’ll stop them from interfering in 2020?

President Trump always tries to recast criminal obstruction of justice as merely “fighting back” against an accusation. Of course, here in America, an investigation is not itself an accusation of anything. You do in fact need to “sit back and take it” – let the investigation gather the facts – and if you are eventually accused of a crime, your chance to “fight back” is in court as the defendant. Short circuiting that process is a crime.

“No. Russia did not help me get elected. You know who got me elected? You know who got me elected? I got me elected. Russia didn’t help me at all. Russia, if anything, I think, helped the other side.” 5/30/2019 at the White House.

Oh, for God’s sake. This came 20 minutes after he admitted the Russians helped him get elected. If Donald Trump can’t even agree with 20-minutes-ago Donald Trump, how in the world is anyone supposed to negotiate with this man? If he can’t acknowledge basic reality, how is anyone supposed to prevent Russia from making a mess of the 2020 election?

Why is the President saying this now? No one agreed with him when it would’ve mattered, and now he wants us to believe Mueller exonerated him. It’s like saying, “I didn’t eat your cookie and besides, that cookie was terrible.”

“And I’m also going to have, probably today, a major statement on the border. This is a big league statement. But we are going to do something very dramatic on the border, because people are coming into our country – the Democrats will not give us laws. They will not change laws. They will not meet. They will not do anything.” 5/30/2019 at the White House.

Just last week, the top Democrats in the House and Senate met President Trump in the White House for a meeting. The meeting lasted about three minutes, after which the President abruptly ended the meeting and made it clear he would not pursue any further legislation until Democrats agreed to stop investigating him.

Trump is saying two conflicting things here: first, that tariffs will stop when migrants stop coming to America to claim asylum, which is a perfectly legal thing to do. Secondly, he’s saying tariffs will increase until illegal immigration (which again, is different than asylum) is “remedied.” What does remedied mean in this situation? And how will a policy aimed at hurting Mexico’s economy make fewer immigrants come to America? We don’t know; we don’t usually make this kind of policy on Twitter. Maybe it will be fleshed out in the next 280 characters!

Narrator voice: Details from the White House would not follow. Three days after this pronouncement, the President’s chief of staff said on TV that they won’t bother setting any criteria for Mexico to achieve. No one knows what would make President Trump happy, but they’re supposed to try anyway. What kind of way is this to run a country?

“I don’t see how they can [impeach me]. Because they’re possibly allowed, although I can’t imagine the courts allowing it. I’ve never gone into it. I never thought that would even be possible to be using that word. To me, it’s a dirty word – the word ‘impeach.’ It’s a dirty, filthy, disgusting word.” 5/30/2019 at the White House.

To think a court would “allow” impeachment is so ignorant, so totally nuts, I actually laughed out loud. As someone who is in his 70’s, having lived through both the Nixon and Clinton presidencies, you’d think Trump would have some basic understanding of American governance. But no. All of his brainpower goes into marketing strategies and catchy nicknames and getting away with stuff.

Probably will be live on TV. That’s what the President wants to communicate in the moments before a commencement address to a branch of the armed forces. That he gets good TV ratings.


That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.

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