S*** the President Says – 5/20/2019

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, some s*** the President said during the previous week:

If you’re Donald Trump, a “news outlet” covering 2020 presidential candidates not named Donald Trump is cause for alarm. Most of us see Fox News playing footsie with the Republican Party and think it’s inappropriate, but President Trump wants more. He wants Fox to grab Republicans by the p****.

I’m not jealous. You’re jealous. How could anyone not think President Trump has substance, anyway? I mean sure, he doesn’t have “government experience” and he didn’t “serve in the military” and he lost $1 billion during a decade as the country’s worst businessman, but, aside from all that there’s probably some substance.

The country isn’t full. Hell, the White House isn’t even full. Why would the President say something like this? I half expect him to order the torch cut off of the Statue of Liberty so no one can find us in the dark.

The Red Sox played all of three games in between their White House visit and this tweet. Considering that 100% of teams to visit the White House just won a championship, I’d suspect all of them would do very well after visiting. They’re good teams.

Is the American steel industry really booming? Is the auto industry “coming back strong?” No and no. Credit to Steve Rattner for the below chart:

Meanwhile, American companies are paying an additional 10% for steel. These tariffs have been a complete failure so far.

This is the first of three tweets about the President’s budget, and there’s something you should know right up front: presidents submit a budget to Congress annually, after which it is thrown in the trash and Congress (hopefully) passes their own budget. Presidents know this, so their budgets are wish lists. In Trump’s first draft, he eliminated all funding to the Special Olympics. Now he’s updated it so as not to be such a jerk to Special Olympians.

Budget tweet #2: “fighting” for money in his own budget. In his first draft, he cut these funds by 90%. While the President pats himself on the back for not screwing up the do-over, keep in mind his budgets have cut this funding for three years straight with never an explanation, because he runs a fine-tuned machine.

If NASA gets to Mars while Trump is President, it’s only fair that he should be the first human to live there, where he’d reign the rest of his natural life as our space king. We could even give him the Space Force.

Just so we’re clear, the President’s handpicked FBI Director disagreed with this statement during recent congressional testimony, stating he is unaware of any improper surveillance. Carter Page (the Trump campaign hand that previously described himself as an adviser to the Kremlin) was surveilled through a lawful FISA warrant, because he described himself as an adviser to the Kremlin, then flew to Moscow during the campaign.

[Democrats] sort of like wind, even though it kills all the birds. You want to see a bird cemetery? Go under a windmill sometime. You’ll see the saddest – you got every type of bird. You know, in California, you go to jail for five years if you kill a bald eagle. If you go under a windmill, you see them all over the place…And when the wind doesn’t blow, you don’t watch television that night.5/14/2019 in Hackberry, LA.

I’m not saying windmills never kill birds, but let’s not get carried away here. In fact, according to treehugger.com – a site I’d never heard of, but I’m giving this claim only the research time it deserves – wind turbines kill something like 300,000 birds per year. Compare that to cats, which kill about three billion birds annually. That’s right, we can apparently have renewable energy for 0.01% of the bird killing power of cats and when the wind doesn’t blow, you can still watch TV because of something called batteries. Sign me up.

That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.

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