The craziest thing on water is coming back with a friend, and we get to name it. | Image via Wikimedia.
Without further ado, your Idiotville feel-good story of the week:
Ever seen a six-story tall rubber duck? No? Well, you really should, and your chance is coming when “Mama Duck” comes back to Idiotville for the Tall Ships (or as Mama Duck calls it, “Ships”) festival August 22-25, 2019.
But wait, there’s more! This ridiculous, gargantuan marvel of human spare time and disposable income had a baby! Whereas Mama Duck had caused thousands of confused looks here back in 2016, her one-story tall Baby Duck will make its first appearance this year – and we Idiots get to name it! I’m already drooling at the possibilities.
Ducky McDuckface? No, that’s been done. Donald Cuck? No, too specific to conservative GoErie commenters assailing other GoErie commenters for running afoul of accepted conservative opinion. Baby Duck do-do-do-do-do-do? Off with your head. Release the Quacken? Not really a name. Duck Norris? Winner!
If you don’t like any of my ideas, first of all you’re wrong, but here’s a list of 250 duck names. Go nuts.
Stepping back for a minute, I find the idea of a giant rubber duck to be both absurd and fantastic. True, the Tall Ships festival is a celebration of Great Lakes history and a reminder of what our high seas looked like at the dawn of the industrial revolution – and a giant rubber duck is exactly none of those things. It’s more of an anti-tall ship, the more I think about it.
Still, the world’s largest bath toy will draw in probably thousands of kids, many of which may not otherwise be drawn to the ships. They’ll come for the ducks, and they’ll see the ships, and they’ll wonder how any of it was possible. That’s really the point of all this to begin with, isn’t it? Look at a marvel of engineering and feel a glimmer of hope in humanity. Light a spark in a child’s imagination. Inspire.
The bay is big enough to share some old, majestic, Lake Erie history with a 74-foot long, 11-ton duck and her offspring. I say bring it all. In the meantime, if any of you Idiots know of any other giant, seafaring art projects we should be aware of, let’s get those invited, too. The Tall Ships festival and the giant rubber duck and our chance to name Baby Duck are all good things to happen in Erie.