S*** the President Says – 4/15/2019

Ladies and gentlemen, behold, some s*** the President said during the previous week:

“If [George Washington] was smart, he would’ve put his name on [Mount Vernon]. You’ve got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you.” -summer 2018 at Mount Vernon (according to 4/10/2019 anonymously sourced Axios report).

Donald Trump lives in Washington, for God’s sake. I can’t wait for Easter to hear him give Jesus Christ advice on rising from the dead.

“I even thought of Ivanka for the World Bank … She would’ve been great at that because she’s very good with numbers.” 4/12/2019 interview with theatlantic.com.

I once lifted a bag of garbage out of the can with one hand in front of my grandma, who swooned and told everyone how strong I was. But she never nominated me for World’s Strongest Man.

“[W]e’re building a lot of wall and we’re being very strong on the border. But we’re bucking a court system that never, ever rules for us.” 4/9/2019 at the White House.

There’s no introspection here. Adverse court rulings are supposed to mean you overstepped and need a course correction, but President Trump immediately insists it’s all just evidence of a judicial system out to get him personally. I’m old enough to remember when court rulings against Obama were “proof” that he was a “lawless” president.

“Obama separated the children by the way. Just so you understand, President Obama separated the children. Those cages that were shown – I think they were very inappropriate – they were built by President Obama’s administration, not by Trump. President Obama had child separation…I didn’t have – I’m the one that stopped it.” 4/9/2019 at the White House.

Nope. During the Obama era there was a spike in “unaccompanied minors” crossing the border, so while there absolutely was a picture of kids in a cage, there were no parents to separate those kids from and at least they were old enough to walk here on their own. Trump insists on a policy resulting in kids, including babies, being separated from their parents. He’s the only one to have done this.

“No, there is no law. As you know, I got elected last time with this same issue, and while I’m under audit, I won’t do it.” 4/10/2019 at the White House.

We’re talking about tax returns here, and there is most certainly a law. The law is the whole reason we’re talking about tax returns. The law says Congress gets whichever tax returns Congress wants. Congress wants to know, among other things, if Donald Trump really is under audit.

“This was a – an attempted coup…It was a scam…And what they did was treason.” 4/10/2019 at the White House.

The Russia investigation: Not a coup. Not a scam. Not treason. A lawful investigation. Try the decaf.

“Hopefully, the attorney general – he mentioned it yesterday – he’s doing a great job – getting started on going back to the origins of exactly where this all started, because this was an illegal witch hunt and everybody knew it, and they knew it too. And they got caught.” 4/10/2019 at the White House.

Hell, even I know how it started. This all started when the entire Trump campaign began secretly talking to Russians, and lying about it repeatedly to everyone with all the sophistication of Harry and Marv from Home Alone. It escalated when a Trump campaign hand that had previously declared himself an “advisor to the Kremlin” flew to Moscow during the campaign. And again when Trump denied the Russians hacked though his friend had advance knowledge of it. By the time Michael Flynn lied to the FBI about relieving sanctions against Russia those first days in the White House, you’d had to have been comatose not to open an investigation. Most of the senior Trump campaign staff are now criminals. Never forget.

Great news! Trump’s approval rating in this poll was actually 43%, which sucks. His unfavorable rating hit 55%. In fairness, Fox flipping a poll upside down isn’t totally President Trump’s fault, but Fox messes up enough that everyone should’ve stopped trusting them years ago. Remember two weeks ago when they described Guatemala, El Salvador, and Honduras as “Three Mexican countries?” They’re the WWE of news.

The official White House statement on this, issued just the night before, states: “This was just a suggestion that was floated and rejected, which ended any further discussion.” Just a reminder that no one in the White House can be trusted to speak for Donald Trump, and Donald Trump can’t be trusted to speak for himself.

“Just got back from Texas, and some of the ranchers told me…you have bodies lying all over the land of people where the coyotes give them a can of soda and they give them a sandwich and they say, “Houston is 300 miles in that direction.” … That means they have no chance and they die… Many people die.” 4/12/2019 at the White House.

Sure. Bodies lying all over the land, in 2019, and no pictures of any of them. Look, this is either pure make-believe, or “Texas” is code for “hell”. There are no places in Texas with dead immigrant bodies laying all over the place. The President just looks you in the face and straight-up lies, every single day.

That’s our report for this week. Be sure to check out the links for more info on any particular topic and, as always, thanks for reading.